Pure happiness, as I had to learn ist not just some construct society created.
No it actually is something People have the privilege of having! (or feeling?)
And I don't want to sound like an ignorant prick saying, yes I once really was purely happy, but I was!
I might as well at this point also add, I lost that feeling somewhere along the way...
And no I am in no way looking for sympathy, because I very well know that my own choices made me loose that special thing I had.
A few hours ago I had a look through my old pictures, and stumbled across a folder with my secondary school pictures, and as far as I can remember those years were filled with worry of what I should do when I started working. But then as I looked through those pictures, I realised I might have had a hard time inbetween but most of those school years were filled with meeting friends, making new ones along the way and enjoying the last few years of not having to worry about grades and time.
And as I started looking through the folder from four years ago, I saw myself alot younger of course but also with near to no care in the world, I seemed really happy and through out content with my life at that time and as I continued through the years I saw myself grow closer to my friends, saw myself growing up and most importantly I never lost that sparkle in my eyes for all those nearly three years. And I tell you now I was on the brink of crying, since when I look at pictures of myself now, there is the odd one here and there where this magical sparkle makes an appearance again. But in most of the recent pictures that sparkle has somehow vanished.
I don't know where I lost that absolute joy of living, and slipped alittle bit too much into just existing. But as depressing as all of this is, it isn't as if I have fully lost it I just came to this halt today where I had to realise, that I might be in a time of my life where I might just not be as happy all the time as I have been before. And for some reason I think this is a good thing because there still are Moments where I realise that I am thoroughly still able to be purely joyous and happy, god I even feel absolutely fibrant at times.
So nothing is lost, sometimes even happiness has to take a break, but I am fully confident that it will also come back after its hopefully not too long break.
x l